HUMAN

 
A TRIBUTE TO DADDY: How it should have been written.

It’s been a little under two weeks since I posted my first blog post and the response has been so OVERWHELMING!! ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ’ฅ A lot of inspiration and motivation pouring out from everywhere and I can’t thank you all enough! Four hundred and eighty views and still counting, you have absolutely no idea how excited I am๐Ÿ’ƒ

This next post reveals a bit of me that very few people know about. I’m generally a happy child but please permit me to be a bit emotional today.

One thing that I’ve never quite understood is why we only speak of the good aspects of someone’s life when they die and act like they never did wrong๐Ÿ˜•. Why do we make it look as though the person was perfect? Why gather round a lifeless corpse and act like the person was beyond human even though we know very well the sort of things the person did? Why do we pretend? Why do we cry for the benefit of others when we’d otherwise do nothing?? Just tell me…why???

๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ”Trying hard to fight these tears

I’m crazy with worry

Messing with my head these fears

I’m so sorry

I know I’ve got to get it out 

But I can’t take it

Guess that’s what losing you is all about…”๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ

It didn’t have to end like this, daddy you deserved better. I stand here, not only with a heart full of grief and pain, but that of regret as well. That moment mommy came back home from the hospital with your clothes and without you, I just knew that was it. It may sound silly to you but my first thought then was “I never got to take a selfie with you.” To me, that was a reminder of how our relationship was – anything but intimate๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ. 

I wish we had been close. I regret not making the effort in trying to understand you and why you did the things you did. I’ve always thought you were the one at fault here – I mean after all, you should have taken the initiative! But are you really to blame? I ask myself. Communication after all is a two-way street.

There are so many reminders of you everywhere and for the rest of my life, I’ll have to keep finding a way to accept the fact that you’re truly gone.

I’ve never felt so alone like I do right now. All my life, for as long as I can remember, you made all the major decisions in my life. You never gave me the chance to be me. I never got the opportunity to do anything for me. I led the most part of my life for you – trying to please you and looking for your approval I never quite got. It was always you..you…YOU!! You had no idea how I tried so hard to make you Proud of me but it felt as if nothing I ever did was right. It got to that point where I didn’t even know who I was anymore. And then out of the blue, you’re gone. For the first time ever, I really don’t know what to do with my life. You left me to do what exactly????? Why bring me up this way if you knew you wouldn’t be around forever? Why would you leave me halfway?๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ why on earth would you do that to me??

Verbal abuse is the worst form of abuse to ever have to go through and I pray to God you never experience it, ever. It has a way of killing your spirit and trust me, that is by far the worse than the kind of pain you experience through caning or slapping or belt whipping! I don’t know why you constantly slapped my spirit with hurtful words. I still don’t understand why you found it extremely difficult to give compliments. It’s like you knew just the right words to use each time you wanted to break me down. You did it so skilfully – at a point it seemed as though you derived some sort of joy from seeing me broken and hurt. It’s sad because all I ever needed was an “it’s okay. You can do it” to keep me going and not an “I told you so” retort.๐Ÿ˜ช I’ve always felt inferior because of this, and Lord knows I still do…even now. 

It tears me apart that my kid brothers don’t seem to remember anything good you did. It’s like they hated your very existence. But I’d be a liar if I said you did nothing right. I’m grateful for the prayer life I have as a result of your constant “nagging” every evening. I remember how you would come into our rooms at bedtime and close the louvre blades and curtains and then ask us to pray before sleeping. Even now, when I’m about to sleep, a part of me keeps hoping that you’ll pass by and remind me to pray. It’s hard to fully accept your absence.

Now whenever I hear country music and eighties classic love songs, all it think of is you. How you would sit outside and stretch your legs and just listen. You taught me the value of good music – Tina Turner, Phill Collins, Whitney Houston, Kenny Rogers, Dolly Patton, Celine Dion among others, and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I’m sorry for all the terrible things I ever said to you. If I had known you were dying, rather than spend the last two years of your life constantly arguing with you and being a “freedom fighter”, I would have spent the time trying to just understand you. I read somewhere in a physics textbook that “to every action, there’s an opposite and equal reaction.” I am truly sorry for everything – but truth is, I wouldn’t have said or done any of the things that I did if you hadn’t pushed me to that point.

I bore so much resentment in me until now. I swore I’d never forgive you for what you did to me. But I now realise that the more I keep it all in, the more I keep hurting on the inside.

My tribute is way different from the others, I know. 

But I did this to let us all know that we are far from perfect. 

My dad made mistakes and did certain things wrongly. 

We all do. 

He wasn’t perfect…

And that’s what made him HUMAN

….just like everyone of us.๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜”

“To err is human…

To forgive is divine…”

I’m learning to let go. It’s the only I can truly find myself and be free.

Like John Green would say, “Grief doesn’t change us, it reveals us.”

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KALEIDOSCOPE OF GIRLS

I wrote this waaaaaay back in Senior High School for my year group magazine REVAMPED (shout outs to the Dahlia 3 Science 1 giiiiirls๐Ÿ˜‚โœŒ๏ธ). Even then.. These girls, scratch that – We’re sisters now!!๐Ÿ˜ – could see the potential in me that I clearly couldn’t see in myself so I’m dedicating this piece to them. They are part of the reason why I began blogging in the first place and for that I’m eternally grateful๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ˜€.
Attending an all Girls’ boarding school has been an eye opener in every sense of the word! Believe me, there’s absolutely nothing that beats the experience of being surrounded by girls of all categories “struggling” to belong and to be known! After carefully observing them (both in and out of school).. I identified a few prominent groups๐Ÿ“โฌ‡๏ธ

  • NERDY GEEKS

 

Otherwise known as “walking encyclopedias”. Always seen coming out of a library or having her head buried in a book. Even in “dumsor” situations when everyone else gives up on studying, she’s busy reading a huge textbook in the dark with a flashlight! Girls like this were just born to give PRESSURE! Her social abilities are close to non existent except of course – you happen to be a geek like her!

  • FASHIONISTA

  

You’ll definitely find her at the mall every weekend shopping. (As for mall, it could be Accra mall, it could be Circle mall or Tema Station mall or Kantamanto mall๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ the value is still the same!) She always does her damn best to be in vogue. It’s designer labels all the way for her. If you see her carrying a Louis Vuitton bag๐Ÿ‘›, don’t look so shocked! You’ll probably find her in an Armani suit next time smelling so good you know she’s put on Chanel no#5 with her swag intact! 

  • ENO TECH

  

She’s always on the lookout for the release of the latest gadgets and technology. When asked, she’d tell you Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckenburg are the best things that ever happened to mankind. She’s so not the “yam” kind of girl๐Ÿ˜‚ If you’re not into twitter, whatsapp, Instagram and BBMing….then forget it! – cos you don’t stand a chance.๐Ÿ’

  • TOMBOY

 
Almost always seen sporting a T shirt, a baseball cap, jeans and sneakers! She loves being in the company of guys and just in case you want to take her out on a date, never make the mistake of taking her out to dinner mate! 

  • GOLD DIGGER

  

All she ever does is to chase after wallets, credit cards and dough!!! If you ain’t got a dime, then you’re definitely not her type. One thing is for sure though, you’ll never see her again when you’re broke๐Ÿ˜…

  • EFIE AKOKO

  

Hmmmm…as for this one, she’s “dada Ba” all the way. Goes everywhere with a chauffeur driven car and never in a “Troski”. Money ain’t shit for her but her lack of adventure makes her stupidly naive! 

  • MISS INDEPENDENT

  

She walks and talks like she runs the world. She has it all – money, cars, clothes, accessories – you name it! She’s “fly” effortlessly and one thing though (for the guys), one silly move and out the door you go๐Ÿ’

  • THE TYPICAL JULIET

  

The least thing thou doeth, she thinketh thee is the most romantic person in the world. No matter how horrible thy voice is, just a verse of a love song will have her crawling at thy feet! Rose flowers, long walks at night, beachside escapades and cooking are just the kind of things that melt her heart๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ญ To her, just about everything is romantic!

  • GIRL-NEXT-DOOR

  

She is your average everyday kind of girl. Down to earth, ever friendly and never thinks too highly of herself. Her beauty is that which radiates from within unto the outside๐Ÿ’ž. She’s as real as it gets!

  • GOOD GIRL GONE BAD

  

Such girls have dual personalities. They usually have the innocent and angelic look yet the sort of things they can do is more than enough to shock the devil himself!๐Ÿ˜น I mean there’s nothing wrong with having a good girl who does bad things – but there’s a thin line between this and hypocrisy๐Ÿ˜•

  • YAA GADAAFI

  

The “Yaa Gadaafis” are the squad leaders! The queen bees! The boss chicks! The area “gangalias”! โœŒ๏ธMess with her, and you end up messing with the entire squad. Whenever there’s confusion or a fight somewhere, you’ll find them at the very center of it. They talk the talk and walk the walk so if you know can’t handle the heat, then you have no business tampering in their playground in the first place.

  • DYNAMITE CHICK

  

The moment she walks into a room, every head turns! She’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, she’s hot, she has great legs, she’s IT!!! And the best part of it all is that she knows it! Even when she’s in a crowd, her presence definately  screams out loud!๐Ÿ˜Ž
Now, tell me..which kind of girl are you?๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰ And if you’re a guy, which kind of girls are you attracted to?

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME1โƒฃ Life is all about stories. The beauty of it all is that everyone has a different story to tell and that’s what makes life interesting! (Like they say, we are in the same hell ๐Ÿ”ฅexcept we’re facing different devils๐Ÿ‘น) I LOVE to read! – anything and everything! Truth is….I’d rather read than watch a movie. My favourite authors of all time are Sidney Sheldon, John Grisham, John Green, Danielle Steele and Julia Roberts. If you haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling, then trust me, you haven’t read anything yet! 

2โƒฃ I’m outspoken. What it will take three years for someone to say, I’ll use three minutes to hit the nail on the head๐Ÿ˜ถ๐Ÿ“Œ๐Ÿ”จ. It’s like asking me if you look nice in an ugly navy green sweater๐Ÿ˜– (not that I have anything against the colour navy green). Rather than lie and tell you how absolutely gorgeous you look in it – I wouldn’t comment on it at all. And if I did, I’d tell you how you remind me so much of a frog I saw the other night and suggest a different outfit.

3โƒฃ Speaking of colours, I simply adore LEMON GREEN๐Ÿ’š. Why? I’m not going to lie to you about how it’s bright and funky and how it reminds me of nature (blah….blah). I love it because I love it!!๐Ÿ˜

4โƒฃ I so love mp)t)mp)t), kenkey and pepper (preferably the one adjacent papaye and then tasty jerk๐Ÿ˜‹) and then finally beans with plantain, in that order! I’m not really a food person (I’ve been told I have a disturbing eating pattern…๐Ÿ˜•) but I’d choose these three over any food any day.

5โƒฃ Oh and I enjoy cooking! I have this secret ambition of opening my own restaurant some day๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿฒ. I love trying out new recipes (God being so good, I have four brothers who are ever eager to eat my food๐Ÿ˜‚. I make sure they rate me after each meal just so I can take note of my progress.) I can make a three course meal out of refrigerator leftovers (not that I’m bragging๐Ÿ˜œ) and you know the best part about cooking?? – The compliments and look of satisfaction I get from those who are brave enough to eat my food๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.

6โƒฃ Okay, and I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that I’m a PHOTOGBEE ๐Ÿ“ท and a proooudd one at that!! Wherever you see a camera, you’ll see me in front of it posing. I always jokingly tell my friends that when I die, rather than use the conventional style of writing tributes, my funeral brochure should be an entire photo gallery instead, capturing every highlight of my life๐Ÿ˜Œ.

7โƒฃ I believe in God! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ“–Very much! (It doesn’t mean I’m “cref” either) God has done so much for me and I’ll be a fool to deny His very existence. I’m not exactly “spiritual” but gradually I’ll get there some day. My favourite verse in the entire Bible is Ecclesiastes 9:11 

“I have observed something else under the sun

The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race

And the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle

The wise sometimes go hungry

And the skilful are not necessarily wealthy

And those who are educated don’t always lead Succesful lives

It is all decided by chance, 

By being at the right place at the right time..”

This is my guiding principle in life.

8โƒฃ I’m a music freak๐ŸŽถ. Music just has a way of sending you to a place that nothing and no one else can๐Ÿ˜. Isn’t it strangely weird that there’s a song for every mood?!! My favourite genres are rock, a bit of country and then the 80s and 90s classic love songs! I just can’t understand how people can live a life without a hint of Tina Turner, a doze of Whitney Houston and a touch of Toni Braxton!๐Ÿ˜ฑ – like omg! Like….are you okay? Like really okay?! Oh and I’m a sucker for anything “RIHANNA”!!! 

9โƒฃ Underneath all the layers of confidence and make-up and hype and all the brick walls I’ve carefully built around me, I’m an emotional mess on the inside! Every now and then I feel like a helpless little girl with a lot of emotional baggage weighing me down. I’m a very shy person and the very few people who are brave enough to want to know me inside out, are those who eventually come across it.

I’m not perfect… But I’m me.โ˜บ๏ธ

๐Ÿ”Ÿ I’m pretty sure you’ve figured out by now that I WRITE๐Ÿ™ˆ I’m no Sidney Sheldon but I sure as hell will definitely get there one day!๐Ÿ’ซ๐Ÿ˜ŽโœŒ๏ธ