WE ALL NEED A NAA TEIKO IN OUR LIVES ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ’

I am way behind schedule๐Ÿ˜ซ. I’m so sorry about that. The plan is to write at least one blog post every two weeks except this time around, I’ve missed my own deadline. I recently started my first internship, it’s taking up pretty much all of my time and.. Well, that’s a story for another day ๐Ÿ‘…

๏ฟผ

This post is about FRIENDSHIP. Anyone who knows me knows just how much friendship means to me. I really don’t joke with my friends at all. They mean a whole lot to me and I’ll do absolutely anything for those I consider my friends. 

We all have friends – though some have way too more than they actually need. I can’t blame you, I mean life is such that you end up going through each phase making new friends along the way. Every year, maybe – every month, perhaps every week; well, if you’re that friendly – but then again, you realize that it’s never really the same as having that ONE FRIEND. 


๏ฟผThe question that we should be asking ourselves is – Do we have that one friend that we can always count on? Who will always be there for us regardless? That friend who knows literally everything about you and still loves you anyway? That friend who will never judge you in spite of all the stupid things you’ve done? The first person you want to call whenever anything comes up? That one friend that you are so sure of will not hesitate to risk their life for you? The one who makes your problems their own? Do you really have a NAA TEIKO in your life? 


๏ฟผThis Ganyobi right here deserves more than just an essay๐Ÿ˜ซ See, Dromo, if I had money erh I would spoil you anyhow!! I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you from the moment I set my eyes on you. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚No homo, relax guys – but I mean it! In the most non-sexual, platonic way ever ๐Ÿ˜‚. Why am I even bothering to explain myself?! 


๏ฟผI had been living in Osu for God knows how long and I had no one to hang out with. I’m talking as if my dad would have allowed it – the old man was so strict! Even if I wanted to buy credit, I had to send one of my brothers to do that for me๐Ÿ™„. I was the typical EFIE AKOKO. I was so naive and miserable ๐Ÿ˜ซ until I met Teiko. So outgoing! So fun! So experienced! (Teiko knows everything๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚) So popular! So cool! (Matter of fact, I always thought that she was way too cool to ever want to be my friend – I still do) So beautiful! So full of life! Sigh.. So perfect ๐Ÿ˜ซ and I wanted so much to be like her. I had some pretty huge low self esteem issues back then and I desperately needed someone I could look up to. I’m not ashamed to say this but I literally threw myself on her. See, if there’s something or someone that you like, GO for it or him or her! Before it’s too late. Sometimes, you need to be the one to make the first move.

I did and I’ve never looked back since! l learnt so much and everyday with her, I keep learning more and more. I learnt how to wear make up, and fix my nails and what type of hair to buy and the kinds of clothes and shoes to get, the sort of people to avoid, managing my social media brand (honestly before I met Teiko I had no idea what Instagram and Twitter were ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚), exploring Accra, getting involved in various initiatives, being out there, being known, the constant “you’re worth it”, “you can do it” pep talks…the sex education ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚… I wouldn’t be where I am and the person that I am today if it weren’t for NAA TEIKO. 


๏ฟผMy dad never liked any of my friends but with you, whenever you came around it was as if you had come to visit him instead. The convos and laughter๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I never understood how you two managed to click! And then my dad fell sick and passed away and so did yours – it’s just weird how the same stuff keep happening to us. I’ll never forget the day my dad died. It’s as if you knew something terrible would happen that day. I was in bed feeling so reluctant to get up. My spirit was so down – almost like I knew something bad was about to happen. My mum was almost always at the hospital with my dad so I was the one who had to keep things moving at home. But that morning, I just couldn’t find it in me to.. to ๐Ÿ˜ž and then out of the blue you came and convinced me to get out of bed and take my bath and you helped me cook beans and plantain for the boys, then you made me up and picked an outfit for me, all so we could take pictures ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ All this just to cheer me up. And it worked. And then my mum came home with my dad’s stuff and without him and I just knew that was it. 


๏ฟผYou guys will never understand why I love her so much๐Ÿ˜ซ. You’ve always been there for me Naa. I don’t even know how I would have gone through most of the difficult moments in my life if you weren’t right there beside me through it all. Even when you have problems of your own, you’d still go out of your way to try and help me with mine – just to make sure I’m alright. Through all the heartbreaks and countless fuck boys, nothing has changed between us๐Ÿ˜‚ One advice though, always remember BITCHES BEFORE BOYS. It’s a cold world out there. Never choose a guy over your friend. He’s not worth losing your friendship for. 


๏ฟผI haven’t been myself for the past two months. A heartbreak can do that to you – hit you so hard and so bad. I had reached that point where I felt that nothing was worth my time anymore. There was no enthusiasm to continue with NARKIES CRAVINGS or go out or write or continue with my YouTube channel (something I’ve wanted to do so much!). But Teiko never gave up on me even when I had given up on myself, everyday she’d try and talk me into going back to the vibrant and confident person that I used to be and picking up from where I left off. I wasn’t minding her at first but Teiko can be very persistent when she wants to be. Right now, I know I’m going straight ahead to achieve all my goals. If she believes in me, then I believe in me too. If she can still see the real me underneath all the mess then it means I can find the strength to be myself again. I’m never looking back again and I’m sure as hell not going to allow another human being to ever make me feel worthless again. Ever!


๏ฟผI love you so much GRACE LOIS NAA TEIKO NORTEY. Dromo, if I had to sacrifice my life just so you could live, I’d do it a hundred times over. It takes most people years to find something like what we have. You’re my soul mate and I thank God it didn’t take me forever to find you. 

2๏ธโƒฃ2๏ธโƒฃ THINGS I’VE LEARNT IN 2๏ธโƒฃ2๏ธโƒฃ YEARS


1. FIX ALL BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS  


I have very few regrets in my life but my biggest will be not making the time to appreciate and love my dad more. I spent so much time dwelling on the bad moments (well, there were so many of them๐Ÿ˜ž) that I ignored the few good times. I wish I had more time to undo all that But he’s gone and that’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. Fix all broken relationships while you still can. Someday it might be too late. Trust me, I know what I’m saying. 

2. SHIT HAPPENS 

You honestly don’t expect things to always go the way you want them to, do you? ๐Ÿ™„. There will be times when you find yourself doing the same things you vowed never to do! Or being in situations that you just have no control over๐Ÿ˜ซ Like being taken advantage of, being played, being a victim of rape or abuse of any kind, wasting your time on the wrong people (we’ve all been there), the list is endless.. And no matter how much you will hate yourself afterwards, just know that shit happens. It’s happened already, learn from it, move on and make sure it doesn’t happen again. 
3. DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE YOURSELF 


Unfortunately for us, we live in a world that is so judgemental by nature. You shouldn’t let that stop you. People will always talk, so make sure you give them something good to talk about. I wear anklets, I’ve got a couple of piercings, I dress the way I want to, I say things as they are (if you like come and beat me) and trust me, I get crap for it but who cares? I don’t. I’m just being me. Don’t ever make the mistake of trying to fit in just so you won’t have a problem with anyone. You’re above all that. You’re GOLD Baibey, not copper. 
4. FIND YOURSELF 

I used to feel insecure about myself for so long. I never thought I was good enough for anything or anyone for that matter. I could almost swear that I was that one ugly friend in the squad. (Surprising? ๐Ÿ˜‚ I Know) And that was the mentality I had for so long until I got so tired of feeling that way. Flashback to that fateful day in 2010 when I decided that I had so much to offer – it was about time I rebranded my current self into my ideal self, be more open to a lot of things, find my true self and then accept it. I haven’t had any regrets so far. I’m happy for taking that big step! Finding myself has made me a much better person. 

5. YOU’LL DEFINATELY GET YOUR HEART BROKEN 



Yes ๐Ÿ˜ซ You WILL get your heart broken. It isn’t easy but it will get better. No amount of partying or sex or drinking will heal you. What you need most at this point is self acceptance and self love because at the end of the day, when that feeling of temporary happiness is gone, you’ll be left alone at 3:00 am crying and feeling sorry for yourself. You are the only one who can deal with you. You deserve better dear, you deserve to be happy. You are beautiful and intelligent and funny and smart and so much more. And if he can’t see that, then he’s the one who lost – big time! You did your best and the sad truth is, for some people your best will never ever be enough for them. So don’t kill yourself because at the end of the day, your happiness is what truly matters.
6. BE ADVENTUROUS 

Don’t be afraid to do crazy stuff – things out of the ordinary – that you wouldn’t usually do. If you want to get more out of life, then you need to get out of your comfort zone. If you don’t take risks, you’ll have a wasted soul. Every day, I want to go the extra mile – I can’t possibly imagine myself living the way my parents did. There is so much to do and so much to see – I need to be able to experience all that. 
7. PEOPLE COME AND GO 

People come and go. Everyone that has been in your life has been there for a reason. Some to teach you valuable life lessons, some to love you, some to make you a better person and some, to experience life with you. That boy that claimed to be in love with you will move on to another girl. Those friends that you made in high school may or may not be by your side. As we all move forward in life, we all have different goals and ambitions. New friends and relationships are right around the corner. You just need to trust the magic of new beginnings. ๐Ÿ’ซ
8. VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIPS 
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for my friends. I cherish friendships more than anything else. Whenever I have the chance to help a friend in any way that I possibly can, I go all out and do it. Some will be appreciative, others won’t but that shouldn’t stop you. Go out there and make meaningful bonds with people that will last a lifetime. Make as many friends as you possibly can and don’t burn bridges. 

9. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK 



What you need to know is that things will continue to go on with or without you. So every now and then, sit down and breathe. Take the day off whenever you can. Take a break from school or work or business or whatever it is that you do. Take a break from people and from social media and have some “me” time. 
10. GETTING AN F ISN’T THE END OF THE WORLD 





Sigh, I wish I knew this back then! Do you have any idea at all how it feels like to hear that your end of semester results are out only to check and see a series of F’s in chains?? And believe me, I’m not talking about the once in a while one or two F’s but the kind where the one good grade in the whole batch is a D sitting in the midst of F’s. I remember thinking, “How on earth am I going to finish this course and not kill myself in the end?!” That was when I sat back and realized that I was simply at the wrong place, expecting right results. So I took a huge leap of faith, I changed courses, I’m actually doing something I really like and excelling so well at it. So well, I doubt if anyone would ever believe there was a time I ever had an F. Failing isn’t the problem, the problem is how you get back up afterwards.
11. TRY OUT NEW THINGS 



I’m always eager to try out new stuff. I guess I’m just a curious soul. I’ve tried hair dye, I’ve cut my hair, I’ve pierced my ear more than once, I’ve tried all kinds of food I never I thought I’d eat in my life (pork, sushi, rabbit meat kebab, frog legs) and I’m still alive ๐Ÿ˜‚, thank goodness ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ. The next on my to do list is getting a tattoo just like this one. The birds signify freedom to me and that is the one thing I always aim to get – the freedom to be myself. I can already hear the naysayers and “critics” going on and on about how bad tattoos are blah blah ๐Ÿ™„. I’ve developed a thick skin for that over the years. I don’t want to live the rest of my life thinking, “what if”. I couldn’t possibly live that way. There are so many things that life has to offer and I’m not going to deprive myself of them and the kind of freedom and excitement and rush that comes with doing these things. Don’t be boring, learn to live life! 
12. NOTHING IS PERMANENT 
Nothing lasts forever. Everything in this life is fleeting and impermanent. The pain you’re going through will one day not be there. That state of not having enough will be a state of having more than enough, some day. Everything has its season and time. 
13. LOVE YOURSELF 

How many times do you look at yourself in the mirror and genuinely smile at what you see? You need to be able to come to terms with the fact that beyond your mess, God sees the beauty He created and still thinks it’s good! Self love sets the standard in how we allow others to treat us and ultimately, how we treat our own selves. Know your worth baibey, and you’ll never have to settle for anything less than you deserve. 
14. IF SOMETHING MAKES YOU HAPPY, DO IT 



Don’t let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It’s your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you. Do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don’t let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. Let whoever think whatever. There’s more to life than pleasing people. You need to decide who you are for yourself and do everything that you possibly can to be happy. Never rely on others for your own happiness. People always disappoint. You are in charge of your own happiness. 
15. REMOVE YOURSELF FROM NEGATIVE SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE

It’s as simple as that. Being around negative people and negative situations almost always brings out the negative sides of us – anger, jealousy, hatred, pessimism, backstabbing, lies, betrayal, confusion etc. I am someone who gets angry easily but ever since I started living by this principle, I have become a better person. Instead of staying, I simply excuse myself so I don’t end up reacting with the anger that has been provoked inside me. If you continue to associate with people who do not have vision but only think of today, you’ll end up being like them. Surround yourself with people who make you happy and inspire and motivate you to be your best self. 
16. GOD’S GOT YOU 




Why worry when you can pray about it? You need to understand that God will never put you through a hurdle He knows you can’t cross. You simply need to trust Him. This is something I tell my mum all the time. She is always worrying about stuff, how she’ll pay school fees, how to pay the bills, what to eat, how there’s no money – how are we going to survive? (Frankly speaking I don’t blame her, she’s the only one taking care of my brothers and I ) I keep telling her that God will always provide for us and indeed He does! Haven’t you ever been in a situation where you were so sure that things will never work but someway somehow, everything turned out just fine? That’s the power of God working in us for our own good.
17. DO NOT COMPARE YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE’S CONTROLLED ONLINE CONTENT



You obviously don’t go about posting the not so glowing aspects of your life on social media๐Ÿ™„ It’s only the best moments that make it out there. And that’s just the way it is with everyone. A couple posts pictures and videos of themselves giving each other lavish gifts and going to fancy dinners and basically having a good time and you start doubting if you’re really with the right person. You see all those Instagram boss chicks and then you start wishing you had a body shape like theirs or human hair like the ones they have on or the face beats or the cars or the frequent two-week Dubai-Lagos-SouthAfrica trips. Don’t compare b. We all struggle, we all make mistakes, we all feel ugly sometimes, we all use filters. 
18. START YOUR OWN BUSINESS 

We all have that one thing we are good at. It could be writing, cooking, making up people’s faces to perfection, fixing and styling hair, good marketing skills.. It could be anything at all. Maybe it’s about time we developed those skills and then made money out of it. It’s never too late to start your own business. Having a little extra money to spend and save never hurt anybody. (Besides, you’re really going to need that extra cash ) 
19. APOLOGIZING WON’T KILL YOU



Don’t ever let pride get the best of you. When you do something wrong, learn to say “I’m sorry” and actually mean it. And don’t hold grudges for long. If I sit and look back at the number of beautiful friendships I would have lost had I held some grudges for long, I’d probably be friendless by now. We are all human, today I might offend you – tomorrow you may be the one at fault. So to everyone that I’ve disappointed or let down or offended at some point in my life, I am sorry. I am sorry for not being there when you needed me. I am sorry for not trying harder. I’m trying so hard to be a better person. 
20. FAMILY MEMBERS AREN’T ALWAYS FAMILY



It’s true to some extent that yes, blood is thicker than water. But even your own family can backstab, betray and turn their back on you. Sometimes your own family members may not even care that you exist. Believe me, I’d know. Those that you consider family are sometimes the ones that hurt you the most. So I’ve come to learn that the term family means so much more. Anyone who has your best interests at heart and will do anything to make you smile and make sure you succeed, those are the people you can proudly call family. 
21. LEARN TO LET GO & MOVE ON 



It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. By all means keep the wonderful memories, but learn to move on. In the words of Tupac, “You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened…. Or you just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”
22. KEEP YOUR CIRCLE SMALL, ALWAYS



Like they say, less friends – less bullshit. I couldn’t agree more! Your friends should motivate and inspire you. Your circle should be well rounded and supportive. Keep it tight. Make sure that everybody in your “boat” is rowing and not drilling holes when you’re not looking (fake friends alertโ—๏ธ) Remember, quality over quantity always. 
References (goodreadquotes, images from Google ๐Ÿ˜) 

BROKEN ๐Ÿ’”


You told me “Follow your heart..” And guess what? – I actually did – only to have YOU break it into a tiny million pieces โšก๏ธ

Fire, Baibey, Fire ๐Ÿ”ฅ
“Naa, he’s just like fire to me๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜”

That’s the only way I know how best to describe you

You had me feeling all kinds of things

Emotions I had no idea I could ever feel

You made the rest look like play

For a minute, I thought you were the real deal

Why would you waste so much time on me

Only to switch up out of the blue?

Why would you forcibly enter my world

And leave me hanging like a fool?

Why would you do everything right

Then suddenly take flight ?

Why would you promise not to hurt me

Yet, do the exact same opposite?

Leaving me so drained, with no more energy to fight..

Why would you leave me so BROKEN?

So many questions, I wish I had answers to

What was my crime?

All I ever did was love you ๐Ÿ˜ž

And now here I am, Unable to sleep anymore

You’re all I think of, mi amor

You were supposed to be my happy place

Except, it is no more

I feel, I feel… ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

A gut wrenching pain in my chest

I wish I could rip my heart out

It suddenly feels like a pest

Is this how it feels like? To be BROKEN?

And I’m dying to know

Is it killing you like it is with me?

Or am I alone

Like a dead fish stuck in this flow?

I’ve never felt anything like this before

For the first time in my life,

I bare my soul with words, so raw

Intense, and with a depth like never before

Oscar says the heart was meant to be broken

Well look what you did with mine..,

Bruised and beat up with words unspoken

I keep wondering if I’ll ever feel UN-BROKEN

I know my heart will never be the same

So I keep lying to myself that it was just a game

And even till this moment, I keep taking the blame

Next time I won’t love till it drives me insane!

Mama said, Fire will always burn – hard & fast

It’s like she knew right from the start

Did I really think, “Till death do us part?”

What we had was so beautiful ๐ŸŒน

Something I could never walk past

And if I had to do it all again

I’ll do it, even if it’s all in vain

But right now my heart is so tired

Will I ever feel whole again?

FEARย 

Fear is one messed up thing! It has a way of crippling you for life. Not just physically, but the kind of crippling that renders your mind, heart and imagination totally useless. 
Someone once asked me what my greatest fear is…… You should have been inside my head to see my wheel of thoughts spinning out of control! So many fears! 

– The fear of being laughed at 

– The fear of being rejected 

– The fear of not being able to make it in life 

– The fear of being average 

– The fear of getting a B (yes I said it – it really scares the hell out of me )

– The fear of change 

– The fear of not being able to use a particular picture as my dp because of my family members on whatsapp 

– The fear of not doing something because of what others might say or think 

– The fear of getting my heart broken …..

See, the list is endless! It took me so long to figure out that all these could be summarized into a single word – FEAR. For most of us (myself inclusive), our greatest fear is fear itself! 

I went to church one time and the homily given by the priest was centered on FEAR. He made mention of the fact that the devil rules with fear. So whenever we are afraid of something or someone, just know that it is the devil trying to get to you through fear. And trust me, ever since I understood that.. I’ve been able to step out of my comfort zone to do the things I’ve been afraid to do for so long. Fear never really goes away, it simply loses its power over us the moment we start to realize that the power of God that we have in us is by far greater than the weapon of fear the devil uses to try and paralyze us. 
The one time in my life that I felt AFRAID so much that I could almost taste it was when my dad passed away. No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. You know, there are some deaths that are inevitable. Those situations where the person is extremely sick or they have to go through a life threatening surgery.. you get the picture. But then there are those other situations where you just don’t see it coming! – a car accident, sudden illness .. You’re just there and in the twinkle of an eye.. He’s gone. That first night without him being there, was the loneliest night of my life. Because everything at home literally revolved around him. So I’m crying but my tears are being fueled by FEAR – the fear of change. What will happen now that he’s gone? Will things ever go back to the way they were? What do I do with my life now? – so many questions, all because I was afraid! It didn’t even occur to me then that it is the Lord that takes care of His own. Fast forward to two years later, are we not still alive and well?!
Do you have any idea of the number of things each of us could have achieved by now if not for the fact that we have chosen to entertain fear in our lives??? All those opportunities we let go because we were too afraid it wouldn’t work? See, the only thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve is the fear of failure! There’s nothing like finally reaching perfection because the only thing perfect in this world is God. So to be perfect means to be God. Does that even sound possible to you? Why then do we kill ourselves to finally reach perfection? The goal is not be perfect but to try as hard as we can to draw nearer to that milestone of perfection. In other words, as humans, we should not focus on being God but rather we should focus our energy on trying to be like God. And to me, that is what the whole concept of perfection is all about. 
So do not be afraid of your fears. They are not there to scare you. They are there to let you know that something is worth it. Think about this. Why would the devil go through so much trouble just to put fear in you when you are about to take that leap of faith? He knows the good that will come out of it and so he will try his possible best to stop you from getting there. So whenever you’re afraid, remember that it is the devil’s way of messing with your mind. And if you have that in mind, you’ll never entertain FEAR in your life again. 
So whatever plans you have lined up for 2017, just drop that fear and go do it! Make it happen. If you’re like me and the year started on a bad note for you, that is no reason to give up now. Only one month out of the twelve didn’t go well? The hell with it! You should be thankful it isn’t the entire year! I feel like 2017 is my year and I’m not going to waste it like the years before. So if you have plans of using your talent to make money, just go for it! That business you’ve always wanted to start, well now seems like the right time. That haircut you didn’t have vim to try, it might actually look pretty good on you. That guy whose been bugging you for years, give him a chance and you’d be surprised how he’d end up being the best boyfriend you’ve ever had! (Story of my life๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™ˆ). It doesn’t even matter if you fail at a point.. You just need to get over it and get on with it again. IT IS ONLY AFTER YOU HAVE OVERCOME YOUR FEARS THAT YOU WILL TRULY BE FREE ๐ŸŒพ.
Let me leave you with this quote 
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

PERFECTION ๐ŸŽญ


“You can spit on a rose but it’s still a rose regardless.” – Marty Rubin ๐ŸŒน

Spitting on a rose doesn’t make it a dandelion or a sunflower or worse still, a hibiscus flower. It doesn’t make it less attractive than it already is. Truth is, your germ filled toxic spittle doesn’t belittle its value – the rose is and will always be the epitome of beauty. If only we could all see ourselves as roses in a world full of weeds trying to pull us down… Then maybe, just maybe.., 
Now back to this “idol worshipping” of the word PERFECTION and what it entails. Nobody’s perfect. If left to me, the word itself shouldn’t even exist! Why? Perfection can never be attained and yet still, we find ourselves in the midst of perfectionists who are clearly wasting their time. I am extremely careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for, perfection however is God’s business. 
I’m a spiritual mess right now. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not unstable in my faith, I’m just in that confused state of mind. You can choose to call it.. A religious fix. Not because I don’t believe in God (I’d be an idiot to deny His very existence ) but simply because someway, somehow – the one place where I thought I would never be judged based on how I look – funny enough is where I’m judged the most! I mean, whatever happened to getting to truly know someone? What happened to not judging a book by its cover? Personality? Inner beauty? Tell me.. Aren’t “they” supposed to be more concerned about bleaching my “supposedly dirty brownish soul” into a sparkling pearly white colour? Instead, “they” seem to dwell more on the spicy red colour of my hair and the four piercings I have on both ears and my endless collection of anklets.. Right up to the black nail polish I have on (I suppose they all add up to give me a demonic look ๐Ÿ˜‚) 
At first, I thought that the church was the problem but then I came to realize that it was all me. Let me break this down a bit. See, the church is made up of people and people are human beings. And what do human beings do? – They talk, they JUDGE, they segregate, they look down upon, they criticize – in fact, they do just about anything! Myself inclusive, after all I am also a human being. You wear red lipstick to church and people start giving you the stink eye. You aren’t able to pray in tongues, and the prayer warriors take it upon themselves to make you feel “less Christian”. Unlike the others, you remain standing while the rest of the congregation is sprawled on the floor as a result of the anointing.. Now everyone else is looking at you like you’re demon-possessed (eyes rolling).

A friend once told me that I should see the church as a hospital where everyone comes with their own different illnesses with faith that the Lord will heal them. And that, to me, is what I had really lost sight of! In my mind, the church is this mini heaven where everyone else but myself is Holy and Perfect, forgetting that we are all sinners in the eyes of God. Honestly, you can’t blame me for thinking like that. Don’t you all have that one annoying “brother or sister in Christ” who feels they are one step closer to being angels and just have a way of making you feel like Christ died for everyone except you? That you are no better than the beasts guarding the dungeons of hell?? Well, that’s exactly how I felt at a point. 
That, is just one aspect of it. Everywhere we find ourselves, we are judged quite brutally. What is it with human beings and their judgmental behavior? What gives someone the right to just look at you and feel they could write an entire novel about you? When will people come to realize that nobody’s perfect! That we’re all just one step up from the beasts and one step down from the angels and so no one has the right to JUDGE anyone. No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Like it or not, be real and embrace that you have weaknesses. Because everyone does. Embrace that you’re not perfect. Because nobody is. Embrace that you have things you cannot control. We all have a list of those.
Pretending to be something you aren’t because you’re trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites is not the way to be happy. You can’t live your life for someone else and you can’t let someone else tell you how to live your life. People spend so much time judging each other, it’s a complete waste of energy. Why don’t we focus more on living the lives we want to live. You should know by now that those who love you would never judge you, and if they did then they obviously never loved you to begin with – so stop worrying about what people think and say about you and LIVE LIFE on your own terms! 

Remember the picture I placed at the beginning of this post? I’m sure you were all expecting me to go on and on about how supposedly “perfect” that picture is๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ™ƒ and base my entire piece on that but no. My reason is simple. 


๏ฟผSee this picture? That’s me minus the make up and all that imagery of “perfection”… I may look different on the outside but it doesn’t have to be so on the inside. To those who know me… Without all that, am I less of the person that I am? I certainly don’t think so.
There are two kinds of perfect. The one you can never achieve, and the other, by just being yourself ๐Ÿ’‹
#perfection #lifestyle #youth #love #inspiration #ghanaianwriter 

FINDING MYSELF

FINDING MYSELF๐ŸŒค
If I could change anything in my life, I would drastically alter my past. I would kick out that feeling of being a lesser being out of my mind. I would beat out the ugliness I felt till I became pretty! I would constantly pinch myself hard till I flew new wings of confidence – and you know what else I would have done? Most importantly, I would have loved myself more than LOVE itself.
Looking back.. I love the lady I’ve grown to become. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m thankful for how far the Lord has brought me. I have not always been like this – this outgoing, all-over-the-place, confident, outspoken, fun and crazy girl that I am today. I am no longer that shy, timid, quiet girl who had low self esteem issues and dreaded having to stand out. I’m glad I’m no longer that person anymore. 
The mistake I made (that most of us keep making) was trying to fit in. Trying to be accepted.. Trying to be like everyone else..trying to move with the flow (it’s now that I realise that only dead fish move with the flow). And it took me more than half of my life (fourteen years to be precise) to break those chains that made me supposedly invisible to everyone else even myself! And while I was trying so hard to deal with that, I had my academics to think about. I’m a free spirited thinker, I don’t do well with formulas and theories. I like to think of myself as a core mathematics person and not an elective mathematics kind of person. With core maths, you can use any method at all to get the correct answer. Take a left turn, do some backflips, freestyle a bit and even take a break while you’re still at it! So far as you are on the right track, the answer still remains the same. But elective maths????! My goodness! You either know the formula or you are out! Why follow the theories of dead scientists and not being able to understand why it has to be so?! (I know…I know… They are the greatest thinkers of all time while I don’t even have a degree yet) Is it a crime to want to understand why Acceleration = v – u/ t?? And not because Newton says its so?? I am arts inclined and it’s sad to know that even then, I didn’t know my own field. You need to know yourself! Other than that people will continue to push you around, forcing you into things you are not meant to do. You end up living someone else’s dream for them till you die – unless you are as fortunate as I am to be given a second chance to finally dream again! 
So I spent the next three years in a senior high school I didn’t like doing a course I literally hated!! Trying to chew the classifications of Animalia and Homo sapiens, learning abstract things such as measuring refracted angles and drawing graphs and then mixing up chemicals with deadly smells! Getting Es and Fs then in my electives was nothing new! The struggle was real! But amidst all this confusion was when I began to discover new bits of myself. I am a born leader. I quickly found out that when it came to organising people to do something (could be group work, a class project etc) it was second nature to me. I also never knew I had it in me to write. I thought my writing skills was only limited to English essays but no! I had the ability to write not just for grades, but to inform and to entertain as well. Winning first place in a creative writing contest opened my eyes to a lot of things. Imagine having to tell the world why your school is the best especially one that you didn’t really like?! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ well that should tell you how persuasive my writing can be sometimes.
I never once thought of my life in my own terms. My dad had literally planned out my entire life for me and I hated it! I hated that I felt I couldn’t do anything about it. But no, see, humans almost always tend to forget the presence of God in our lives! God can do what no man can do. Never ever forget that. One year in med school feeling all kinds of hopelessness and everything changed. Just like that. It is now that I know that everything happens for a reason. One minute I was a medical student.. The next minute I was on my own and for the first time ever, I was asked that one question I had been dying to hear my entire life! “What do you want?” God bless my mother’s soul! For her to still stick by me in spite of everything… For her to go all out to make me feel alive again..God bless you Ma!โค๏ธ I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this – that feeling that you are finally about to get what you want and now you just don’t know what is? That was how I felt. It’s like Dr. Kwame Nkrumah fighting so hard for independence and then suddenly not quite knowing how to go about it. I had been running for so long I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore. But no, God will never leave you stuck at the crossroads forever. No matter where you go or what you do to distract yourself, reality catches up with you eventually. He positioned me in a place I never even knew existed.
Some would see the years as wasted but no, I am who I am because of what I went through those years. Being a science student broadens your mind in so many ways. Though I never knew that a course like Communication Studies existed, I am here and I am having the time of my life! You know that saying that goes “It’s like I’m meant to be here.. I was born for this”?? Yes that’s exactly how things are for me now. “Stars don’t struggle to shine because that is exactly what they are made for!” We continue to struggle as human beings not because God loves some people more than us..but because we are in the wrong place. Most of us are in typical square peg – round hole situations! It’s never going to work! And that is why we keep struggling. 
For the first time ever, I was allowed to be me and do me and that was how I found my real self. The freedom I so desperately craved for finally came. Immediately, I cut my hair (it was as if I wanted to get rid of the old identity). But I was being me! I am crazy and there is nothing wrong with that. I love trying out different things.. Routine is boring. I die my hair all sorts of colours and it doesn’t change the way I feel about myself! To me, I’m the prettiest girl ever (no Beyoncรฉ picture or Instagram upload is going to make me feel any less!) I can’t believe that I used to think I was ugly! Every girl feels unattractive sometimes, why had it taken me so long to figure that out?!
There is always going to be somebody prettier or more talented or richer than you, but it shouldn’t affect how you see yourself! At the end of the day, you come to realise that it’s not about popularity or even getting the cute guy. It’s all about understanding that no matter what label is thrown your way, only you can define yourself. You won’t die if you aren’t dating a guy with a car, if you don’t have an iPhone 6, if you haven’t drank Moรซt, if you haven’t been taken to a fancy vacation or if you don’t have a 28 inch Peruvian weave. Don’t lose yourself while trying to fit it in (matter of fact is, you shouldn’t even aspire to fit it in.. You are above all that)
People see me and say I’ve changed but truth is, I finally found myself. I am finally doing the things that make me happy!๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’ฅ. Don’t just FIND yourself, afterwards, ACCEPT the person that you are and go ahead to be the best possible version of you!๐Ÿ”ฅ

(References: Kody Keplinger’s book “The Duff” and then excerpts from my life)

HUMAN

 
A TRIBUTE TO DADDY: How it should have been written.

It’s been a little under two weeks since I posted my first blog post and the response has been so OVERWHELMING!! ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ’ฅ A lot of inspiration and motivation pouring out from everywhere and I can’t thank you all enough! Four hundred and eighty views and still counting, you have absolutely no idea how excited I am๐Ÿ’ƒ

This next post reveals a bit of me that very few people know about. I’m generally a happy child but please permit me to be a bit emotional today.

One thing that I’ve never quite understood is why we only speak of the good aspects of someone’s life when they die and act like they never did wrong๐Ÿ˜•. Why do we make it look as though the person was perfect? Why gather round a lifeless corpse and act like the person was beyond human even though we know very well the sort of things the person did? Why do we pretend? Why do we cry for the benefit of others when we’d otherwise do nothing?? Just tell me…why???

๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ”Trying hard to fight these tears

I’m crazy with worry

Messing with my head these fears

I’m so sorry

I know I’ve got to get it out 

But I can’t take it

Guess that’s what losing you is all about…”๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ

It didn’t have to end like this, daddy you deserved better. I stand here, not only with a heart full of grief and pain, but that of regret as well. That moment mommy came back home from the hospital with your clothes and without you, I just knew that was it. It may sound silly to you but my first thought then was “I never got to take a selfie with you.” To me, that was a reminder of how our relationship was – anything but intimate๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ. 

I wish we had been close. I regret not making the effort in trying to understand you and why you did the things you did. I’ve always thought you were the one at fault here – I mean after all, you should have taken the initiative! But are you really to blame? I ask myself. Communication after all is a two-way street.

There are so many reminders of you everywhere and for the rest of my life, I’ll have to keep finding a way to accept the fact that you’re truly gone.

I’ve never felt so alone like I do right now. All my life, for as long as I can remember, you made all the major decisions in my life. You never gave me the chance to be me. I never got the opportunity to do anything for me. I led the most part of my life for you – trying to please you and looking for your approval I never quite got. It was always you..you…YOU!! You had no idea how I tried so hard to make you Proud of me but it felt as if nothing I ever did was right. It got to that point where I didn’t even know who I was anymore. And then out of the blue, you’re gone. For the first time ever, I really don’t know what to do with my life. You left me to do what exactly????? Why bring me up this way if you knew you wouldn’t be around forever? Why would you leave me halfway?๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ why on earth would you do that to me??

Verbal abuse is the worst form of abuse to ever have to go through and I pray to God you never experience it, ever. It has a way of killing your spirit and trust me, that is by far the worse than the kind of pain you experience through caning or slapping or belt whipping! I don’t know why you constantly slapped my spirit with hurtful words. I still don’t understand why you found it extremely difficult to give compliments. It’s like you knew just the right words to use each time you wanted to break me down. You did it so skilfully – at a point it seemed as though you derived some sort of joy from seeing me broken and hurt. It’s sad because all I ever needed was an “it’s okay. You can do it” to keep me going and not an “I told you so” retort.๐Ÿ˜ช I’ve always felt inferior because of this, and Lord knows I still do…even now. 

It tears me apart that my kid brothers don’t seem to remember anything good you did. It’s like they hated your very existence. But I’d be a liar if I said you did nothing right. I’m grateful for the prayer life I have as a result of your constant “nagging” every evening. I remember how you would come into our rooms at bedtime and close the louvre blades and curtains and then ask us to pray before sleeping. Even now, when I’m about to sleep, a part of me keeps hoping that you’ll pass by and remind me to pray. It’s hard to fully accept your absence.

Now whenever I hear country music and eighties classic love songs, all it think of is you. How you would sit outside and stretch your legs and just listen. You taught me the value of good music – Tina Turner, Phill Collins, Whitney Houston, Kenny Rogers, Dolly Patton, Celine Dion among others, and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I’m sorry for all the terrible things I ever said to you. If I had known you were dying, rather than spend the last two years of your life constantly arguing with you and being a “freedom fighter”, I would have spent the time trying to just understand you. I read somewhere in a physics textbook that “to every action, there’s an opposite and equal reaction.” I am truly sorry for everything – but truth is, I wouldn’t have said or done any of the things that I did if you hadn’t pushed me to that point.

I bore so much resentment in me until now. I swore I’d never forgive you for what you did to me. But I now realise that the more I keep it all in, the more I keep hurting on the inside.

My tribute is way different from the others, I know. 

But I did this to let us all know that we are far from perfect. 

My dad made mistakes and did certain things wrongly. 

We all do. 

He wasn’t perfect…

And that’s what made him HUMAN

….just like everyone of us.๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜”

“To err is human…

To forgive is divine…”

I’m learning to let go. It’s the only I can truly find myself and be free.

Like John Green would say, “Grief doesn’t change us, it reveals us.”